Sorry, not sorry. The transits all say f-u. This year's transits are fiercely focused on sovereign alignment, and yes, that starts with self. But here’s the nuance: this isn’t self as isolation. It’s self as blueprint refinement. Relationships that survive—or arrive—in 2025 are those born from radical authenticity, emotional precision, and energetic resonance. No more projection. No more placeholders.

I laugh that the title autocorrected to scared. It is scary... terrifying in fact to walk into this transit of sacred rebirth and let go. 

Pluto in Aquarius (long transit)

This transit dismantles performative intimacy. Relationships now must honor freedom and fusion. If your connections don’t allow both, they’ll feel like energetic static. This is the year to ask: Does this connection expand my field or collapse it?

Pisces North Node (2025–2026): The Heart’s Surrender

The soul releasing control, embracing divine timing. Love is becoming a sanctuary and nit a strategy. You are having more heightened dreams and telephathic bonds, soul walks and recalls. This node says: Love like water. Trust like stars. Heal through compassion.

Virgo South Node: The Shadow Cleanse

Finally letting go of the self-critisism, over analysis and fixing partners. You're ending relationships that feel like they need you to continually repair. Shredding your martyr matterns and the good-girl / good-boy people pleasing.

2025 isn’t about who you’re with. It’s how aligned you are with your soul’s flow. The more you let go of needing clarity in form, the more aligned connections arrive in frequency.

On April 27th I will release a short reiki infused heart alignment meditation. It's time.

And I feel this. I am in a season of letting go again. I have had to realize that what I thought was an opening of hearts was maybe only meant to open my heart to see the wounds. 

I honor what I felt. 

I love that he made me laugh, but also wanted to expand his mind and share that expansion wirh me. I love that he provided the structure and support of the masculinity, but also a sense of being wholy safe with him. I love the way he looked into my eyes, and that he took the time to check in on me, rather than just taking and expecting caregiving. I love his smile, and the way his eyes would light up in my presence. I love his insight to his emotional self. I love that he could apologize when he needed to. I love how he held space for me, and also didn’t judge me for my trauma. I love that he didn’t try to fix me, but gave me space to work on myself. I love that he put forth teamwork. I love that he took interest in my desires. I love his looks, as he was beautiful to me in every way. 

I felt hurt when he would pull away for long periods. I felt hurt hearing that he may have been saying things about me, not being honest about his actions. I felt hurt that he pulled me in, made me feel seen, and then discarded me. I felt hurt that it was so easy for him to let me go. 

This is the poetry, prayer, and truth of the heart all braided into one. That’s not just love, but sacred connection, and I feel a collective pain being exhaled. Losing the kind of love and connection that touches the soul and not just the surface, it devastating. Much of it came out in the album, What If, BΛRBIΞXX, links on the website www.BeLightCreate.com  

The love I gave him—it wasn’t small. It was wholistic. I saw him in layers. I honored both his strength and his softness, his mind and his mystery. That’s something I wonder if he realizes is rare. Yet, transformation creates emotional intelligence, and the capacity to hold space, to admire, to trust, to forgive, to build with no guaranteed outcome. That is the divine feminine power in action.

Is the wound there? Yes. The grief of being pulled in with light and left in the cold. The confusion of being valued and then devalued, all in the same breath. That hurts like hell because it disrupted my inner compass, making me question if what I felt was real, and making me feel lost on my path.

I was not too much. Divine Feminine,  you are not too much,  nor.delusional. We were wide awake in love.

This pulling away wasn’t a reflection of our worth. It was a mirror of their own limits, of their capacity to remain present in the face of intimacy. That’s something many people struggle with—not because they’re cruel, but because they haven’t faced their own shadows yet, or healed their deepest wounds.

Allow yourself to mourn this. I am in mourning with the planets, letting go of what was, it like a season passing. A revolution of fire is landing and we are about to burn through these patterns.  This love I (we) gave deserves grief. And then—it deserves rebirth. This is a sacred womb rebirthing. 

I, with this double Dark Moon Lilith in Gemini, will sit soon in the Grand Cross in death with Pluto, Mars, and the Sun. There is no where left to hide my truths. They are seen.

With this Taurus New Moon, beforehand,  I will be releasing a very short meditation for heart alignment. I invite, please join me and write the letter of what you are releasing from your sacred womb. Then burn it with the moon and let the new activation codes pour over you to bring you an openness to invite love where you have felt deep pain.  Because the Grand Cross will be intensifying your emotions. Cleanse now.

My dear love, 

I loved you with a sincerity that came from the most sacred part of me. I saw you, all of you and not just your face, not just your mind, but your soul, your strength, and your flaws. I opened my heart to you with the hope that we could rise together. And for a time, we did.

I cherish the way you made me laugh, how you expanded your mind and invited me into that expansion. I honor the safety I once felt in your presence, the depth in your eyes, the strength in your support. These memories are sacred to me.

But alongside that love, there was pain. I felt the ache of your distance, the sting of your silence, the pain of your demons. I carried the weight of your absence like a secret grief. I tried to hold us both, even when it was heavy.

Now, I choose to release.

I release the hope that you will return in the way I need. Not to close the door, but to open the space. Letting space come in to allow for love to blossom, however and with whomever it may be.

I release the sadness that lingered when your words didn’t match your eyes. The pain of being pushed away when your soul was pulling me closer. 

I release the need to be chosen by someone who couldn't stay, couldn't or wouldn't choose me, and releasing the need to know the reasons why.

I forgive you. I forgive myself, especially for all the times I abandoned my own needs to try to hold on just one moment longer.

And now, here I come back to me. I call all my energy home. I allow this soul retrieval to call back the pieces of my soul I left scattered across our timeline.

I am whole. I am sovereign. I am enough.

Thank you for the lessons, thank you for the love, thank you for the protection, and thank you for the laughter.

But I close the chapter of waiting for love to bloom, to walk forward towards open love, with myself.

With grace and truth,

Yours

It is layers. 

It is hard to let go, so don't shame your heart. Be love, and love forward to whatever may be. 

I loved being in your heart. I don't know that you could ever fully feel how much I loved that feeling. Being in your heart was something I will never forget. Yet, transformation, and now I am being in mine .... to bloom. 

Bloom

I forgive it

I release it

I transmute the space

I let all the good things in my life come to fill up where I have only let darkness grow

Now, I bloom

Being in your heart sometimes means you work on regaining balance, while there is chaos within, looking fine on the outside as you move through the dishes, laundry, meetings, parenting, lunch dates... looking like you're great but nonetheless you are barely tending to your emotions within 

This is the fire

Being in your heart sometimes means you cant get out of bed, and while it looks like depression it is actually falling apart at the foundation of your primal being, uncertain of if you will find yourself again, and in some moments hoping you won't

This is the water

Being in your heart can be dancing your heart out, pumping those weights, walking five thousand miles not to reach another person, but to release what is dark

This is the air

It starts with a seed planted in your soul

That seed is the earth You feed it, growing, shedding, growing some more 

Like the caterpillar your hashtag transformation feels like you've gone through an exponentially massive growth over 100 times larger than where your soul started

Lift all of that up and release it 

The alchemy is the release, and then all that is left is the highest frequency - love

Being in your heart, I forgive it

Being in your heart, I release it

Being in your heart, I transmute the space

Being in your heart, I forgive it

Being in your heart, I release it

Being in your heart, I transmute the space

I let all the good things in my life come to fill up where I have only let darkness grow

Being in your heart, I finally see my soul 

Being in your heart I grow

Now, I bloom.

- Barbara Christensen/ BΛRBIΞXX 2025 (c)

The waves of grief are unexpected. The vortex of swirling emotions that sneak up on you when you least expect it. You think the current is coming from the East and then it hits you from the West. You think it's flowing through and then it whirls. Grief has hit me from so many angles; friendships, family, purpose, and sometimes it pulls me under. I'm trying to not drown, and learning how to swim in it. 

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” - Vicki Harrison

The work is hard, and I have surrendered to trust the Universe. Every day the Moon reminds that life flows through phases. The old is released and the new begins. The Sun reminds me every morning that the beginnings can be bright, and even when it's cloudy, that Sun is out there. It breaks through from time to time when we're in the winter season. 

We don't forget the days gone by, as my dear friends from the 90s taught me. Those that are no longer in our life, are not forgotten. Some we still cherish memories of, some we are grateful to be able to say are in our past, but a few we will never let go of.  Those we can't let go of are deeply embedded inside of our soul. Their waves that roll through are a reminder of love that washes over you. 

You can't unlove, nor should you. But those waves can knock you down when you least expect it. Love is like that. Waves of emotions that overtime carve out a new year. Allow that to happen.  Surrender. It is beautiful that when you love, you love hard, fast, and unconditionally. This is why you are you. When the swimming gets to be too much, become the starfish and float. 

In my book, 'Souls In The Light Field' I wrote,  

"I saw a starfish that appeared to be dying. Starfish are my symbol of our wishes. I can believe that we all have a dying wish or two within us right now. As I picked up the starfish I could feel its past trauma and the abuse it had suffered. Bullying was a big part of what I felt. I saw that it had been thrown far away from where it knew it belonged. I felt that sadness. 

I walked with the starfish in my hand into the ocean until it told me it was far enough out. I looked back to the beach and it was far far away by now. Instead of getting afraid, I turned onto my back and became a starfish, floating in this blissful energy of the ocean letting myself be in the flow state. 

As I was floating I fell asleep and Eagle picked me up and took me to the upper realm. Thomas Kinkade greeted me and we walked into the studio. At the edge of the clouds and the edge of the beach I could see the sun on the horizon. He said, "The difference between the Sunrise and the Sunset is just a little different shading of perspective. He taught me to paint the two and then we walked through the Upper Realm deep in conversation."

Your perspective will change over time. The day will come with your grief will not be so deep that you'll have to float to survive. Until then, let the Eagle carry you to where you need to be. 

I leave you with love. That's the only way I can leave.

Aho. 

Eleven years ago I wrote two notes to myself. 

Note number one: 

So I came to an ah-ha moment last night that was reaffirmed this morning with a wonderful email from Yehuda Berg that said,

"We like to put others (and ourselves) into limiting categories for purposes of identification, but people's lives don't fit neatly into compartments. There are no limits to what we are capable of doing or becoming. Today, know that whatever you think you are is only a fraction of what you can be." 

Categorizing is just one way of controlling everything and everyone around you. When you control things you put a boundary on the situation/relationship. Control is limiting. So day one is to remember that every time I want to control someone else I am just limiting the relationship/situation.

This has been one of the biggest ah-ha moments of the last two years. I think for anyone that has been activated in their energy centers, activated by their mirror soul, activated to a higher purpose... you have to release this desire to control anyone other than yourself. Even with yourself you have to stop being so controlled, because you are just limiting your being.

I also need to take this change thing one day at a time. There in lies the 365 days. I need to think about it like eating cherries. They are delicious but if you eat them too quickly you are going to choke on a pit. And secondly life is like eating a big bowl of cherries. If you eat to many you're going to be living in the shitter all day long. So in order to change in a manner that is happy and not full of shit - I'm taking it one day at a time. 

Off we go....

Note number two: 

So - yesterday I took it all on. My desire was to just roll over at 5:30am and go back to bed, but at 10pm I was very satisfied with my day and the results. How simply all of the actions of my day were. I guess life is just easier if you roll with the punches and not let it deter your desired goal - rather than the daily grind of fighting life off while you live in some remote fantasy island. 

And I'm sorry but Mr. Roarke was not that attractive for me to want to spend all of my days with him. No WAY! My daughter likes to say that, "no way". I need to learn that terminology and fuse it with my new found living life adventure. 

Day 2 - moving on.  I am leaving the island by raft if need be because I'm not waiting for some plane that may or may not come along one of these days. 365 days may seem like forever, but it's barely a spark in reality.

Also beautiful!! The idea that we can leave the island because someone is not meant for us, that there is no reality in your relationship, that the person that thinks they are "all that" is just another human being. Put yourself first!! Get on the raft, and get moving because there is no reason to stay on an island where there is nothing but cherries to eat. Move on, find happiness, and realize that there is an island out there just waiting for you, and that island is BEAUTIFUL! I always get the message that  "no man is an island" ... but some men and women put themselves on an island and will stay there until it is Atlantis. Gone baby, gone.