Sorry, not sorry. The transits all say f-u. This year's transits are fiercely focused on sovereign alignment, and yes, that starts with self. But here’s the nuance: this isn’t self as isolation. It’s self as blueprint refinement. Relationships that survive—or arrive—in 2025 are those born from radical authenticity, emotional precision, and energetic resonance. No more projection. No more placeholders.

I laugh that the title autocorrected to scared. It is scary... terrifying in fact to walk into this transit of sacred rebirth and let go. 

Pluto in Aquarius (long transit)

This transit dismantles performative intimacy. Relationships now must honor freedom and fusion. If your connections don’t allow both, they’ll feel like energetic static. This is the year to ask: Does this connection expand my field or collapse it?

Pisces North Node (2025–2026): The Heart’s Surrender

The soul releasing control, embracing divine timing. Love is becoming a sanctuary and nit a strategy. You are having more heightened dreams and telephathic bonds, soul walks and recalls. This node says: Love like water. Trust like stars. Heal through compassion.

Virgo South Node: The Shadow Cleanse

Finally letting go of the self-critisism, over analysis and fixing partners. You're ending relationships that feel like they need you to continually repair. Shredding your martyr matterns and the good-girl / good-boy people pleasing.

2025 isn’t about who you’re with. It’s how aligned you are with your soul’s flow. The more you let go of needing clarity in form, the more aligned connections arrive in frequency.

On April 27th I will release a short reiki infused heart alignment meditation. It's time.

And I feel this. I am in a season of letting go again. I have had to realize that what I thought was an opening of hearts was maybe only meant to open my heart to see the wounds. 

I honor what I felt. 

I love that he made me laugh, but also wanted to expand his mind and share that expansion wirh me. I love that he provided the structure and support of the masculinity, but also a sense of being wholy safe with him. I love the way he looked into my eyes, and that he took the time to check in on me, rather than just taking and expecting caregiving. I love his smile, and the way his eyes would light up in my presence. I love his insight to his emotional self. I love that he could apologize when he needed to. I love how he held space for me, and also didn’t judge me for my trauma. I love that he didn’t try to fix me, but gave me space to work on myself. I love that he put forth teamwork. I love that he took interest in my desires. I love his looks, as he was beautiful to me in every way. 

I felt hurt when he would pull away for long periods. I felt hurt hearing that he may have been saying things about me, not being honest about his actions. I felt hurt that he pulled me in, made me feel seen, and then discarded me. I felt hurt that it was so easy for him to let me go. 

This is the poetry, prayer, and truth of the heart all braided into one. That’s not just love, but sacred connection, and I feel a collective pain being exhaled. Losing the kind of love and connection that touches the soul and not just the surface, it devastating. Much of it came out in the album, What If, BΛRBIΞXX, links on the website www.BeLightCreate.com  

The love I gave him—it wasn’t small. It was wholistic. I saw him in layers. I honored both his strength and his softness, his mind and his mystery. That’s something I wonder if he realizes is rare. Yet, transformation creates emotional intelligence, and the capacity to hold space, to admire, to trust, to forgive, to build with no guaranteed outcome. That is the divine feminine power in action.

Is the wound there? Yes. The grief of being pulled in with light and left in the cold. The confusion of being valued and then devalued, all in the same breath. That hurts like hell because it disrupted my inner compass, making me question if what I felt was real, and making me feel lost on my path.

I was not too much. Divine Feminine,  you are not too much,  nor.delusional. We were wide awake in love.

This pulling away wasn’t a reflection of our worth. It was a mirror of their own limits, of their capacity to remain present in the face of intimacy. That’s something many people struggle with—not because they’re cruel, but because they haven’t faced their own shadows yet, or healed their deepest wounds.

Allow yourself to mourn this. I am in mourning with the planets, letting go of what was, it like a season passing. A revolution of fire is landing and we are about to burn through these patterns.  This love I (we) gave deserves grief. And then—it deserves rebirth. This is a sacred womb rebirthing. 

I, with this double Dark Moon Lilith in Gemini, will sit soon in the Grand Cross in death with Pluto, Mars, and the Sun. There is no where left to hide my truths. They are seen.

With this Taurus New Moon, beforehand,  I will be releasing a very short meditation for heart alignment. I invite, please join me and write the letter of what you are releasing from your sacred womb. Then burn it with the moon and let the new activation codes pour over you to bring you an openness to invite love where you have felt deep pain.  Because the Grand Cross will be intensifying your emotions. Cleanse now.

My dear love, 

I loved you with a sincerity that came from the most sacred part of me. I saw you, all of you and not just your face, not just your mind, but your soul, your strength, and your flaws. I opened my heart to you with the hope that we could rise together. And for a time, we did.

I cherish the way you made me laugh, how you expanded your mind and invited me into that expansion. I honor the safety I once felt in your presence, the depth in your eyes, the strength in your support. These memories are sacred to me.

But alongside that love, there was pain. I felt the ache of your distance, the sting of your silence, the pain of your demons. I carried the weight of your absence like a secret grief. I tried to hold us both, even when it was heavy.

Now, I choose to release.

I release the hope that you will return in the way I need. Not to close the door, but to open the space. Letting space come in to allow for love to blossom, however and with whomever it may be.

I release the sadness that lingered when your words didn’t match your eyes. The pain of being pushed away when your soul was pulling me closer. 

I release the need to be chosen by someone who couldn't stay, couldn't or wouldn't choose me, and releasing the need to know the reasons why.

I forgive you. I forgive myself, especially for all the times I abandoned my own needs to try to hold on just one moment longer.

And now, here I come back to me. I call all my energy home. I allow this soul retrieval to call back the pieces of my soul I left scattered across our timeline.

I am whole. I am sovereign. I am enough.

Thank you for the lessons, thank you for the love, thank you for the protection, and thank you for the laughter.

But I close the chapter of waiting for love to bloom, to walk forward towards open love, with myself.

With grace and truth,

Yours

It is layers. 

It is hard to let go, so don't shame your heart. Be love, and love forward to whatever may be. 

I loved being in your heart. I don't know that you could ever fully feel how much I loved that feeling. Being in your heart was something I will never forget. Yet, transformation, and now I am being in mine .... to bloom. 

Bloom

I forgive it

I release it

I transmute the space

I let all the good things in my life come to fill up where I have only let darkness grow

Now, I bloom

Being in your heart sometimes means you work on regaining balance, while there is chaos within, looking fine on the outside as you move through the dishes, laundry, meetings, parenting, lunch dates... looking like you're great but nonetheless you are barely tending to your emotions within 

This is the fire

Being in your heart sometimes means you cant get out of bed, and while it looks like depression it is actually falling apart at the foundation of your primal being, uncertain of if you will find yourself again, and in some moments hoping you won't

This is the water

Being in your heart can be dancing your heart out, pumping those weights, walking five thousand miles not to reach another person, but to release what is dark

This is the air

It starts with a seed planted in your soul

That seed is the earth You feed it, growing, shedding, growing some more 

Like the caterpillar your hashtag transformation feels like you've gone through an exponentially massive growth over 100 times larger than where your soul started

Lift all of that up and release it 

The alchemy is the release, and then all that is left is the highest frequency - love

Being in your heart, I forgive it

Being in your heart, I release it

Being in your heart, I transmute the space

Being in your heart, I forgive it

Being in your heart, I release it

Being in your heart, I transmute the space

I let all the good things in my life come to fill up where I have only let darkness grow

Being in your heart, I finally see my soul 

Being in your heart I grow

Now, I bloom.

- Barbara Christensen/ BΛRBIΞXX 2025 (c)

If the lion were to speak one sentence to you, what would he say?  

I honor your need to explore the realms outside of my container, but you are always safe with me. 

That’s not just the lion speaking.

That’s the Divine Masculine in its highest form—free of control, free of fear, rooted in devotion rather than possession. Sit with that - aho.

Today is a special day! As the Pink Moon reaches its peak illumination this evening, April 12th, 2025 (making it the smallest full moon or 'micromoon' of the year!), I am thrilled to announce two brand new releases ... an album and a new book!! 

Get ready to listen to the new album "What If" by BΛRBIΞXX - Topic. Dive into the sounds and celebrate this celestial timing with us! You can find all of the streaming sources on the website, www.BeLightCreate.com, or listen on YouTube here: What If

From the quiet intimacy of my Seattle studio emerges "What If"—an album charting a journey deep into the heart and soul. This music chronicles a profound personal transformation, born from spiritual awakenings and navigated through my own darkest nights.

These songs explore the delicate dance between the Divine Masculine and Feminine within, a path toward healing and rediscovering my inner child. Each track reflects a piece of my heart, shared openly as I stepped away from a past life after divorce to seek my authentic self.

One song, "I Never," holds particular significance. Originally a poem penned for a cherished friend—a gifted guitarist whose life was tragically cut short in the desert—it's now reborn in song, carrying his spirit forward in its melody.

Many years ago, back in the early '90s, I sang with a band in Salt Lake City's vibrant music scene. Engineering my words into a unique sound journey was always a dream, but I finally realized the only person stopping me was myself.

Thank you for listening. My deepest hope is that these songs resonate with your own journey of self-discovery.

You might feel it too – a sense that time itself is shifting, slowing down, perhaps because the familiar divine light feels scattered. This marks a pivotal moment.

A cycle known as the Celestial Codes – which you could call ascension codes, activations, or initiations – has reached a culmination. These codes have always been woven into our being here, but the secret to accessing the greater aspects of our soul was self-withheld until we were truly ready. That time is now. Now, we are called to ignite our own divine spark, contributing to the healing of ourselves and all humanity.

Curious souls often yearn to understand and articulate these profound elements for the collective source. This deep desire to experience and comprehend these aspects is precisely why we have come here, embarking on what is often a challenging life path.

Imagine our planetary existence unfolding within a vast cave system, shielded from the wider zeftaquantum realms by layers of galaxies as we tunnel through time. Upon exiting this experience, each soul passes through a purifying particle of light essence before entering the "outside world".

This understanding urgently informs the next chapter, Souls In The Light Fields. It couldn't be ignored, as the window for ascension – the dimensional portals – is closing on Earth. We are nearing a divine moment where the planet itself might shift, perhaps splitting and then reuniting into a state of pure union.

As I continued channeling messages for the collective, a clear transition emerged: we are moving beyond the third dimension into a new world reality. Guidance for this shift comes as the Golden Transmissions, brought forth by beings akin to 'birth doulas' from the fourth dimension. These Golden beings are here to assist us now, especially as the light we've known seems to slow down and scatter during this transformation.

Expect drastic changes to our Green World over the next forty years. This upheaval explains why so many of you feel increasingly out of place, as if you no longer belong here. It underscores the urgent, collective call to heal. These messages offer both prophecy and lessons of hope, illuminating a potential path for light to return to a more divine frequency.

I am thrilled to release these transmissions of light (in the book) today, on the same day as the transmissions of sound (on my new album). Both are offered now because we are ready for the New Earth to awaken and transform within each of us. 

Click below to get the book:

Openly, many of the Divine Masculine energies went through significant trauma in their past relationships and this makes leaving their karmic structure a tricky situation. Thought toxic, it has become the only stability and intimacy they've had, and they grow accustomed to this. This leaves the Divine Feminine feeling unstable in this situation, especially when you care deeply for someone who is struggling to move on from an abusive relationship or who is emotionally unavailable due to past trauma. The emotional complexity of the situation can make it really difficult to walk away, even if you know it's not healthy for you. 

You may now want to admit it but when you care for someone, especially someone who might be going through a difficult time, it's natural to want to help them heal or hope that things will improve. You may hold on to the hope that with time, things will change, and they will be able to commit to building something solid with you. This hope can create a powerful emotional attachment, which makes it hard to let go, even when the relationship feels unstable.

Their back-and-forth behavior can leave you in a state of emotional limbo, where you don’t feel entirely loved or valued, but you also fear what life will be like without that connection. It can also cause a constant emotional cycle of highs and lows. The brief moments of closeness or affection can make you feel seen and loved, and those moments can outweigh the moments of emotional distance or rejection. This unpredictable dynamic can be addictive in a sense, making it harder to break free, even though you feel unstable.

What I feel is that when you know that this person is dealing with emotional or psychological scars from an abusive relationship, you may feel empathy for their struggle. It can make you feel like walking away is abandoning them at a time when they need support, creating an ongoing cycle where things are never fully resolved. Without closure, it's hard to truly move on. 

However, all of your love aside, if the person you're interested in can’t commit, you might start questioning if you’re "enough" or if you’re doing something wrong. This self-doubt can create a sense of insecurity, making it harder to walk away and protect yourself emotionally. It can feel terrifying to walk away because you might feel like you're losing a peice of yourself, but the piece you see in them is already within yourself. 

Take time to reflect on your own needs and feelings. Consider whether staying in this situation is helping you grow or whether it’s keeping you stuck. Understanding your emotions and boundaries can provide clarity on whether walking away is necessary for your own well-being. If they reach out, be clear about your expectations for stability and commitment and maybe it will help create some structure, even if the other person isn't ready to meet you there yet.

If they are emotionally unavailable or struggling with their past trauma, it's essential to focus on your own emotional health and healing as well. Ensure that you’re not losing yourself in trying to fix someone else.

Walking away from a relationship, especially when emotions are involved, is never easy, and in these divine frequencies seems almost undoable. But staying in a situation that feels unstable and unsatisfying can take a toll on your well-being. Ultimately, you deserve a relationship that is fulfilling, stable, and healthy—one that allows you both to grow and commit to each other in a meaningful way. Walking away isn't about not loving them, it is about love. Your heart carnot enable their struggles. Let go and let them work through it. Love yourself and what is meant for you will never pass you by. If it isn’t meant for you, a healthy option will show up. 

Until then, be kind to yourself and be graceful with your heart. You cannot build a life with someone who is building and planting somewhere else. The tree divided no longer grows. Be able to plant your own seed if needed, and walk away ... at least until they are ready. We don't stop moving forward to wait because this life is shorter than we think. 

"It's...unusual," she murmured, tracing the erratic pulse with her fingertips. "A constant push and pull, a dance of approach and retreat."

The Forge's elder, Lyra, the Lower World ancestor approached, her silver hair shimmering in the soft light. "The human heart is ever evolving, my child. This new frequency, it speaks of a world where intimacy and independence are not mutually exclusive, but rather, intertwined."

She watched as a thread, shimmering with the golden light of affection, abruptly twisted and darkened, the hue shifting to the cool, blue of isolation and it tormented soul. "But it's so ... violent. The transitions are jarring. How can they desire both so intensely?"

"They seek a balance," Lyra explained, her voice gentle. "A space where they can be both vulnerable and self-sufficient. They crave the warmth of shared experience, but fear the loss of their own identity. They want to love, but they also want to be alone."

Mother Spider opened space within the threads, and she pondered this, her eyes following the frantic dance of the threads. "It's a delicate equilibrium."

"Indeed," Lyra agreed. "And the Forge must learn to accommodate it. We must weave a new frequency, one that can hold both desires, without them tearing each other apart."

They began to work, adjusting the Forge's harmonics, introducing new threads of shimmering, adaptable energy. They sought to create a resonance that could smoothly transition between the warmth of connection and the quiet strength of solitude.

Hours blurred into a soft, glowing twilight. The Forge hummed with a new, subtle rhythm, a gentle ebb and flow. The erratic pulses began to smooth, the sharp transitions softening into a fluid, graceful dance.

So tired, she watched, a sense of wonder filling her. The threads, once in conflict, now seemed to complement each other, their energies intertwining in a delicate, balanced harmony. The gold of affection flowed seamlessly into the blue of solitude, and back again, a continuous, fluid cycle.

"It's...beautiful," she whispered. "Like the tide, pulling and releasing."

"Yes," Lyra said, a soft smile gracing her lips. "The human heart is learning to navigate a new landscape. It is learning to find solace in both connection and independence. And the Forge, as always, must learn to reflect that."

The Forge pulsed with a gentle, resonant hum, a testament to the ever-evolving nature of the human heart. It was a new frequency, a delicate balance, a testament to the human search for wholeness in a world that demanded both intimacy and independence. The HeartForge had created a space for both, where once the band had been broken by the heat, now remains a possibility of being just a little more open to the frequency as it changed from intensity to love.

She, is me. The story, my dream. 

Extra transmission that didn't come until after the book ended.

My therapist asked me what I wanted. I said I had to think about it, but I know what I have always wanted in this life. The answer is love. 

I must have felt love in the womb. No, not because of a mother's love, but I was a twin. When I was born, love was taken from me. The two people that I know for a fact that love me, in part love me for who I am to them, not who I am to me. This mirrors the relationships in my life. Almost all of the people that have told me that they love me, I mean something to them, to have patience while they process themselves, they have made the choices that show when I need their love, that my need is too much. I am not to be loved. How could that not be true, if everyone that I have asked to be there - it's always conditional. My twin, just loved, unconditionally. My twin had the capacity to just hold me, in my messy state, which I know is true because I was born very sick. Yet they just made space for me. I am waiting for the space to be made for me where I don't look into the other person's face, and recognize that they've already checked out. It's the most tragic moment to bare your heart and soul and what comes back is the message that you haven't been heard or seen. 

The lesson that started my life was that love is taken away, and thus everything else will be taken away from you to make sure you are unlovable. My twin was taken from me, then my father was taken from me, then my innocence, and then my mother. My hopes, my dreams, my choices, and my rights - all taken until this was the shell that was left. It's hard to know that those that I have known as family,  the ones that should be the closest, the friends that should understand, don't. Even worse, to have people you secretly depend on, walk away when you need them the most. 

I know how to love, and yet when I have asked to be loved in that unconditional manner, it is taken. This reinforces that construct that I am not lovable, nor worthy of love. I am loved and cared for, in the way that is pure, only in the moon and the stars. Only in the Cosmos, the essence of Pachamama, Eros, past dimensions, there despite the messy alchemy of my energy, the disordered frequency, the spaces that are missing like the spots on the brain scans of those with dementia, the forgotten parts, they are loved for exactly what they are. 

It's like my friend's dog looking for her mom during the day when she is at work, and the dog is here. It's a pining for a love that you know, but it is gone. 

Why do we dissociate, disconnect, Hermit, let go, swallow our feelings, and crumble within it alone? The answer is love. I have to love myself, which is painful to do without physical touch from another human being. Even after years in a nurturing environment, the effects of early childhood deprivation can persist. Studies, including research published in Development and Psychopathology and a 2005 study in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, have shown that children who experienced early neglect displayed different levels of oxytocin and vasopressin, hormones crucial for social bonding, despite an average of three years in a family home. Alison Wismer Fries and her colleagues at the University of Wisconsin–Madison concluded, "This environmental change [into a home] does not seem to have completely overridden all of the effects of early neglect."(1) 

Eventually all that you have left is the grief, and the space that you create for yourself. Bleak, and gloomy, yes. But there is an honesty in realizing that. I once read, "Our alone time is imperative while we work ourselves out again, while we shift into our new healing and awareness for life." Perhaps that is what this life is. The preparation for the next. (hopefully in a dimension without this trauma-filled Earth school)  But the only way to get there is to go through it. I imagine that those that have turned away from us also don't feel lovable, because they deprive themselves from the love that you offer.  They too are in preparation, but I guess for a different path in a different life. There are few people who will understand this, because only those that are evolving their heart will know this. There are beautiful quotes in 'The Three Waves of Volunteers' that I will share: 

“Explain: the evolution of the heart and compassion is what is missing technically. ... So we are here to evolve heart first until the heart is aligned with this knowledge.”

“The ones who are prepared to see these changes and not crumble in fear will be the pillars on which others will lean when nothing makes sense to them. It doesn’t mean you will provide the truth to them, it just means you are not falling down like they are.”

― Dolores Cannon, The Three Waves of Volunteers and the New Earth

Or perhaps you are not falling down in front of them. You fall down alone, because in that aloneness, that solitude, where you love yourself in the way that they cannot, until you find that the moments you are alone may be when you are the most connected to the source, oneness, the energy that is everything and everyone. Emotions are carriers of energy. Research, particularly from places like the HeartMath Institute, has shown that the heart generates an electromagnetic field that is influenced by our emotions. These fields do have frequencies. The intricate organization of human subjective feelings has long remained a mystery. In a recent study, they aimed to map this "human feeling space" by examining 100 core feelings, spanning cognitive, affective, and bodily domains. Utilizing a combination of dimensional ratings, similarity assessments, bodily sensation maps, and neuroimaging data, we discovered that all feelings are inherently emotional and that mental and physical experiences are deeply intertwined. (2) The study revealed five distinct feeling categories: positive emotions, negative emotions, cognitive processes, somatic sensations, and homeostatic states. The structure of this feeling space was best explained by emotionality, mental experience, and bodily sensation patterns. The subjective similarity between feelings was also strongly linked to basic emotional dimensions and bodily sensation maps. This research shows that human feelings are not a chaotic jumble, but rather a structured, emotional, and embodied system.

This is the core to know about embodiment. Embodiment is the knowing that all of these emotions are connected, and so maybe you are feeling the hurt and the longing for a world that doesn't understand how to tap into these deep emotions in the way that you do. The body is the emotions, as mapped, and the soul is the structure and not the other way around. Just something to think about for those of you that feel as alone in the world as I often feel. The truth is that you are the frequency of love even if you don't see that in the physical realm. It hurts, but look at the alignment, as I don't think anything is coincidence. 

You drink, you urinate, you have satiation, it then produces breathing which opens up your heartbeat. 

You go into your mind and you're estimating, which sounds weird, right? Estimating, in and of itself, isn't a single, distinct emotion but considered a cognitive process that can be accompanied by a range of emotions, depending on the context and the potential outcomes. This could incorporate: 

• Confidence: If you're estimating something you're familiar with, or if you feel you have the skills to make an accurate estimate, you might feel confident.
• Anticipation/Excitement: If the estimate is related to a positive outcome (e.g., estimating the time until a vacation), you might feel anticipation or excitement.
• Satisfaction: If your estimate proves to be accurate, you might feel satisfaction or a sense of accomplishment.
• Anxiety/Worry: If the estimate is related to a negative outcome (e.g., estimating the cost of unexpected repairs), you might feel anxiety or worry.
• Uncertainty/Doubt: If you're unsure of your ability to make an accurate estimate, you might feel uncertainty or doubt.
• Frustration: If you're struggling to make an estimate, or if you feel you lack the necessary information, you might feel frustration.
• Dread: when estimating the time it will take to complete a task that you dislike.
• Stress: when estimating something with high stakes.
• Curiosity: You might feel curious about the outcome of your estimate.
• Focus/Concentration: The process of estimating often requires focus and concentration.

(1) A.B.W. Fries, T.E. Ziegler, J.R. Kurian, S. Jacoris, & S.D. Pollak, Early experience in humans is associated with changes in neuropeptides critical for regulating social behavior, Proc. Natl. Acad. Sci. U.S.A. 102 (47) 17237-17240, https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.0504767102 (2005).

(2) L. Nummenmaa, R. Hari, J.K. Hietanen, & E. Glerean, Maps of subjective feelings, Proc. Natl. Acad. Sci. U.S.A. 115 (37) 9198-9203, https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1807390115 (2018).

The move is here. The big day of movers followed by the months of unpacking, sorting, deciding what stays and what goes (again), and the time to process all of the emotions. I am both sad and happy that Oscar didn't have to experience this shift. He always struggled with moving, and as Oliver hasn't experienced this with us, he's just going with the flow. His one item of security is myself, as he is mine.

The empty spaces are very reminiscing of the journey.  The empty rooms echoing with the sounds of laughter, conversations, and everyday moments that once filled the space. The absence of furniture and belongings can make these memories feel more vivid, highlighting what's no longer there.

This home provides a sense of security and belonging. Today I feel the cold and unfamiliar, reminding me of the loss of that safe haven I had created. Moving out of this house signifies the end of this chapter. I am.closing of that door, with all the associated emotions of change and transition.

The new home is the blank canvas, offering the opportunity to create new memories and experiences. As I am inspired, feeling the raw excitement and anticipation for the future. Creating a life that is reflective of the growth that I have experienced. I am ready to embrace new opportunities and create the life and love I have envisioned.

This is the bridge between the past and the future. I reflect on what we've left behind while also fueling new dreams and aspirations for what lies ahead.