Pleasure /ˈpleZHər/

a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment.

Think about the things, spaces and energies in your life that bring you real, true happiness. Embrace them and give to them in reciprocity.

Savoring the flavors and the scents of your food experience is an amazing way to bring pleasure into your life. I love the way a fresh lemon smells in the morning & the essential childlike wonder it invites into the day.

Listen to something uplifting first thing in the morning and do the same before you close your eyes. What sounds bring you joy? Is it an orchestra, a frequency, chimes, deep heavy metal, or maybe the soothing sounds of a drum? Bring different layers of these harmonies into your world and change the way you interact with it.

Touch is pleasure. From the softest blanket (like the one I am bundled up in right now sitting in front of my light lamp) to the feeling of your.own skin. As I removed the foods that were toxic too my body out of my life, the chicken skin on my arms disappeared. When I am in the shower I like to recognize my body for such a beautiful shift in its own journey. 

Talk to others. We live inna world of texting and when we text we lose the deep connection to humanity. Text is AI, created by the emotional depth within you & not the person sending it. Pick up a phone and call someone or Facetime & connect with the pleasure of their voice, their smile, their expressions. 

Our word for the week is Pleasure. Share what it brings up and invites you to in this brand new year!!

Barbara xx

#pleasure #sensualliving #coaching #boldbravebodies #experiencelife #wordoftheweek #yearoflovingyou 

I remember sitting on my husband's lap on this crazy vacation with my sister and her then boyfriend (now husband). Sitting on his lap smiling at the camera as we tried to get a few hours of sleep before pushing out of Las Vegas into California. Probably this adventure was 29 years ago. We lived in a trailer and besides working in a warehouse he had no real ambition. 

I remember sitting on his lap taking a selfie on our anniversary perhaps 12 years ago after surviving a motorcycle accident where he couldn't walk at all for six months,  a knee fracture because he never listens to me and likes to look at his phone while walking,  which he can't do. And this was before he had his first of two shoulder surgeries where each event required more caregiving, and I was glad you fo it. 

Never did I think that the 31st anniversary would be days before everything crushed in. He had started acting weird and doing things out of nature.  Lying and then dismissing it all like I was crazy. It wasn't a lie just a massive mistake or two. Then the big betrayal happened,  and two weeks later he has chosen someone he has known for fourteen days to come before his wife of 31 years and his teenager.  It seems surreal. 

So I am lying here wondering how do you explain this to your child.  When their father says, "I'm just going out for a few meetings." and never comes back... and now it is 1:30 AM and your child gives up waiting and goes to bed.... how do you explain that? It is classic. The father goes out for a pack of cigarettes... and it is a repeat of my childhood except... and that's the only difference,  I am here.  My dad moved away and my mom would disappear for days on end. How can this man have watched how difficult it was for me to heal and then pull the same storyline on his own child?

Midlife crisis, madderall episode,  or what?? I don't know this man he's become who couldn't care at all about the impact he is having on what should be his world. It is so sad, like watching an accident that you can't stop. All I can do is be solidly here,  because that's what parents are supposed to do. 

I felt so alone this morning but my support group showcased that we're not. So many synchronous events.  We aren't alone even if that's how it feels. 

Sitting in the dark on the night before my wedding anniversary,  watching  "Never Have I Ever" while sobbing with them as they spread her father's ashes. I know the feeling of almost not saying that goodbye.  My father was heavily sedated and almost crossed over when I called the hospital back east to say goodbye.  I had fought with him the last time I had seen him, and then fought with him on the phone the day before. I sat on the phone and sobbed telling him all of the things I would never have the opportunity to say. 

I  was a broken kid then. I had gone through some very toxic relationships,  and been through some of the hardest days of my life without anyone to turn to.  In many ways I blamed him. I felt like he had created the monsters in my life as the templates that I repeated again and again looking for the karmic clearing. I had also met someone that took my breathe away in a way no one had ever- and I was running from that because I didn't feel worthy nor capable of being loved. 

I have to say that I am very smart,  but I get fully in my head when someone breaks through the stronghold into my heart space. I miss every signal until the end. I even missed the clues to my own sexual orientation until I was halfway through this life. I'm definitely demisexual,  and I have to honor that aspect of myself.

So my father passed, and I missed his funeral.  Then my narcissistic ex came back making plans to marry me the following Christmas.  The reason I had stayed away from him wasn't because what I had been saying. The excuse was that he wouldn't marry me, but the truth was that I  knew he would be just like my father and never love me. 

Three months later I had moved in with the man I married. And we made a good life. Created an amazing child. I should be happy. Isn't it enough to have a decent partner?? Am I wrong in wanted to be valued for all I give, all I am, and to be enough for someone to want to grow with me?? I have felt my dad around a lot lately as if he has a desire to protect me in this very difficult path of transformation. As if he wants to help heal the deep wounds he was a part of creating. 

Yet I am sobbing and grieving with this fantasy goodbye.  I have lost myself, and as I find more of her - she's not happy about it. It is part of the release,  and part of the finding of myself that breaks my heart and sends me into tears.

I  binged the "Indian Matchmaker " this weekend and these couples that had been married for thirty plus years were laughing and glowing and I felt robbed.  As I watched how the matchmaking worked I realized that what they all had was parents looking out for their best interests.  Someone that said, "This will be a good match." Never have I ever had anyone look out for my best match at all in life. I can understand now that what I am grieving for is my heart.  I have been enmeshed by servitude in the most unhealthy way. I wanted to be looked after and "loved". I feel what that word means after all.

I am grieving that on the day before my anniversary I know I deserve more. I am a beautiful partner, giving of my heart and soul to the point that I have bled out. I  have nothing left. This last little over a decade finally did me in. I am grieving my own passing. The child that never was allowed to, grown-up too fast, and having spent a lifetime doing for everyone else... I just have to say goodbye to who she's been wishing she could be. She has to be let go of that, and I have to allow the wise old crone to emerge. Time has passed,  and now we must be present. 

The crone will probably end up alone,  but happily tending to her mind. She will value herself, even if it is an isolated emotional affair of one. She may dream from time to time of the kiss that could sweep her heart off it's bearings,  but she won't wait for it to bring her happiness. This day shall be her rebirth,  and here she will love herself in the way that maybe no one else can.

I am going to step off of Facebook,  and maybe step my face away from social media. I will give her a proper time to let her go. I  don't know how long that will be. I  will keep everyone updated here,  and post on IG. 

Until then I will spread the ashes of the full moon 🌝 and acknowledge that it is time. Today she turns inward to heal, for healing is my birthright. 

Ophiuchus

Before this universe existed, we all lived in the realm of what I have called the Soul Space. This is a space unlike anything we have known where there is no timing, no physical beings, and is just energy. When I saw myself born into this Universe, I came out of the flattened Soul Space (which I will go into in another story) and into being as an energetic body. I was all of the colors of existence, and I grabbed onto the Father of Worlds and watched as he was co-creating what we know as our home. I spent time as I grew weaving in and out of the energy that surrounds us, and what I didn't know then was that I wasn't just exploring, but I was seeking something profound. 

In my most recent journey I took the journey into the Lower World of the cold Scandinavian lands. I was digging through the snow with my inner self, the Wolf. We were digging in the snow in preparation for a journey forward. I believe there will be a time in this journey that my inner wolf will be the only pack I can turn to as the lone wolf. However, the positive energy is that I know you are my Ophiuchus tribe.

Capricorn

Lilith comes to me in the Upper Realm, on a cloud made of the energies of creation. She stands next to the roaring blue-white fire of Theta1 Orionis C, the hottest star in the universe. She pulls a fire crystal out of the gaseous fire, and she suddenly becomes both Lilith and the Sumerian Owl Goddess, Nin-ninna, who is the soul spirit of this first woman of sovereignty. This Owl Goddess takes the fire crystal and blows it into Lilith’s heart center, and a flash of lightning appears as a nuclear collapse of her past heart is born into a new heart, at the center of the Nebula. This is your birth. You are the celestial spark.

This space has been protected since its formation, and a wind keeps any formation of planets from taking place. This was put into place as protection for the birth of new starseeds to come into being, learn, grow and find their strength before releasing to the soul path they desire. Eventually this space will supernova, and this is why you are here today, Hridaya Maria. You are the new heart of souls, and have come to this story in a supernova experience. This is a pivotal moment in our timeline. You have gone through the birth, growth, death, and afterlife, fusing it all together into a brand new lineage of consciousnesses in a human form. It will integrate through the Pink Heart Chakra, in the soul retrieval essence that has been performed on Lilith. 

Sagittarius

This channeled story started in the work that I do for my YouTube channel, and was wrapped inside of a message for the collective about the New Moon, a solar eclipse and Super Moon, that was coming towards us. The new moon was in the Mystic Lights’ sign, Sagittarius, although leaning into Capricorn,  on the day that is called the seed of miracles day. This sixth day of Hanukkah marks the beginning of a spiritual new year, as a very magickal seed is being planted. In the Kabbalistic tradition this is a day that marks the alignment of all of the 72 channels of the lights of G-d. I love how this flows into the connective energy of the 72,000 Nadis channels in our beings.

There are three central nadis that are within those thousands of channels being the Left, Right and Centre. These can be viewed as the Divine Feminine, Divine Masculine and Union. Lots of angel numerology signs started to appear as I wrote this on 12/26/2021, starting with December as the twelve month. 12 = 1+2 = 3 in numerology. 72 = 7+ 2 = 9 in numerology. 3 is the square of 9, and originally Spirit had me write that 3 is the square of I, the square of our personal being. I was shown that there would be three weeks between this new moon and the final Saturn Square Uranus, which is the breakthrough. Halfway in between these is the full moon, the Cold Full Moon or Spirit Moon was being given to us as an offering or invitation to practice forgiveness and gratitude before we break through the wall. The seeds you plant now will be magnified.

Scorpio

Kokabiel, once was the only star in the universe, yet today walks through all of the star worlds, lighting and destablizing the fires of the Heavens and on Earth. The star of G-d, Kokabiel, maintains the essence of the angels, and that is the element of fire. Angels sustain themselves in fire, and no man can endure the sound of their voices unless they are in the fire themselves. He is an Egregore, or watcher. Kokabiel watches for the divine light to shine within each soul, and each star body. Spending their day watching through the shadows and reading the astrological charts to see the perfect timing of every planetary aspect that ever was or ever will be.

Algog walks into this story today, coming to the realization that they are not one star, but a magical eclipsing binary star that only appears to have been one light. This awakening is not just the death of the ego of one, but the birth of the divine light of two. These two have been protected by the Four Winds, these four archangel companions are Uriel who has mastered the North, Michael who has mastered the South, Raphael who has mastered the East, and Gabriel who has mastered the West.