Static // BΛRBIΞXX (c) 2025

Static and I can't see

The wrong turn got ahold of me

I wander into where you are

But there's something that just won't let me go

Tried to walk away from here

Yet I can't get beyond the fear

I call your name and then I fall

When I'm drowning no one hears me call

I don't know how to change

There is another place

But it won't do

It takes a bite out of the best of me

I know that sounds a little underneath

It just can't let me go

Locked me into its soul

But I'm not here

I cannot inhale the waters under there

Static and I can't go

Stuck within this body hold

I wish there was another place to be

I just wake up without a source of me

Tried to just surrender here

Letting go of what else could appear

It bites down harder when I fight

I tried to run but I don't know how to climb

I don't know how to change

There is another place

But it won't do

It takes a bite out of the best of me

I know that sounds a little underneath

It just can't let me go

Locked me into its soul

But I'm not here

I cannot inhale the waters under there

Static stops the lullaby

Calling from the other side

I press my ear against the cold

Stuck to the stories I'm being told

The quiet pulls me underground

Where every bone remembers sound

A haunted choir humming in my chest

A warning that I’ll never fully rest

I don’t know how to change

It falls through locked up chains

It takes a bite into my peace

Dragging down whatever’s left of me

It still won’t let me go

Keeps pulling at my soul

And I’m not here

I’m sinking into the water when its under here

- Barbara Christensen 

And that's what it feels like.... 

There are seasons in our lives where love opens us in ways we didn’t expect. Sometimes it doesn’t come through the person we thought, or in the form we were prepared for. It arrives quietly, like a familiar voice, like warmth in the heart, like a memory we never remembered learning.

And when that connection changes, shifts, pauses, or falls away, the heart doesn’t just move on. It feels the waves.

Warmth moving into grief moving into quiet moving into warmth again.

It can feel like a storm, not because we are broken, but because something new has been opened inside of us.

I used to think the goal was to get over what I felt.

To harden.

To close.

To be strong.

But now I understand...

The storm is Spirit moving through us.

The waves are the nervous system reorganizing around what love awakened.

The ache is the opening, not the loss.

Sometimes the most sacred loves are not here to stay forever in physical form.

They arrive to remind us who we are capable of being when our hearts are not guarded.

The waves create if we let them. Feel the hurt. Feel the grief. Feel the pain of losing what you cannot change. Then when you're ready, open again. 

It's okay to take the time you need to heal. Wait for the calm after the storm. It will come, eventually. 

Divine Masculine 

I don’t always know how to trust this, because my past taught me that love ends in doubt. I was left carrying the weight of not being believed in. But you, you surprise me. You disarm my defenses in ways I never expect, and part of me longs to show you something different, something true, so that you will never confuse this with the pain of before.

Beneath my hesitation, my heart reaches for you like home. There’s a hunger in me, not only for your touch, but for the belonging I feel when I imagine being near you. Your words, your expectations, the way you’ve named what you need. .. they echo inside me, urging me to change. I want to be the man who rises to meet you.

And deeper still, I know this is more than desire. This is a karmic turning. With you, I face lessons that have followed me for years. Every step toward you feels like a shedding of the old story, a growth I can’t ignore. Since we last stood together, I have been changing, slowly, but with the certainty that I cannot go back to who I was.

What I want, even when I cannot say it, is to meet you in this light we are creating. To show you that my soul is learning to believe again.

Divine Feminine 

I hear the tremble in your heart, the ache that comes from being doubted before. And I want you to know, I see you. You don’t need to prove yourself to me through grand surprises. What moves me most is the quiet truth of your presence, the simple ways you show up and let me feel you are here.

I welcome the part of you that craves me like home, because I, too, long for a place where we can rest and be whole. But know this, I don’t ask you to change into someone you are not. I only ask that you walk with me in honesty, that when you feel the urge to retreat, you name it instead of disappearing. That is what makes me trust.

And as for the deeper turning of your soul ... I honor it. I honor the lessons you are facing, and the courage it takes to grow. I will not carry your karma for you, but I will hold space beside you as you rise through it.

What my soul offers in return is light, joy, and a steady hand to remind you, this love can be different. I am here, not to bind you, but to grow with you.

As I started my journey this morning, I walked out the door and this sacred deer with its scar was directly across from me. I share her message to me:

Deer Medicine for the Hysterical Woman: 

'I walk before you with my scar because I am not afraid to show where I have been hurt. My flesh remembers the wound, but my spirit remembers the healing. You, too, are marked, not as broken, but as proven. A scar is a sign that the wound closed, that life continued, and that tenderness returned.

Do not hide your scars in love. They are your teachers and your protectors. They remind you to walk gently but also to walk forward. Healing does not mean forgetting; it means carrying wisdom in your body without letting pain lead the way.

The ones who tend to the others shows you earth’s medicine as caring, rhythm, and responsibility. You bring the heart’s medicine of openness, softness, and beginnings. Both are needed. And a place of vision, a place where you choose how to bring these medicines together, stands in front of you. Do not rush the choice. Do not fear the choice. Stand in it with awareness.

The scar is your compass. It points not backward to the wound, but forward to the path where your resilience and gentleness walk as one. Trust the scar. Trust the softness. Trust that peace can come, not from erasing what hurt, but from letting it be part of the map that guides you into an open heart space again and again.'

- Aho

Adrift

He drifts in silence,

caught between a tower’s collapse

and the promise of a new dawn.

His old masks crumble,

ego dissolving in the forge of fire.

He sees my steadiness,

a cup of joy, a home of belonging

yet fear keeps him at the threshold.

His soul whispers of rebirth,

but his body lingers in the static of survival.

So I release the silence to the wind,

trusting that what is meant

will find its way back to me.

I release the cups that have spilled, and I bless them for what they taught me.

I turn now to the vessels still standing, the love that remains within me.

I plant a new seed in fertile ground. I choose to grow in patience, strength, and dignity.

Each day, I am reborn into a fuller version of myself.

Jaguar, walk beside me. Teach me when to rest in silence and when to step in power.

Guard my temple. Keep my energy sovereign and magnetic.

I drink from the great Watering Hole of life, where many streams meet.

I remember that Many Paths open before me, all leading to love, all leading to truth.

I do not chase. I do not beg. I simply shine.

Those meant to walk with me will step forward freely,

and those who cannot will fade into the jungle night.

I trust. I receive. I rebirth.

And so it is

- Barbara xx

As I have been working on the retrieval of these little soul fragments, I have been working on the music as part of the triangular triad of musical frequency that I was guided to release this year. 

The second album will be Therapy, released next month. 

Here's a few sneak peek songs. 

We all need a little Therapy on the path to soul retrieval.... 

Broken

I'm not what I seem

The energy beneath....us

Is tearing you apart

Nothing but a dream

Two parts without a seam...just

Stabs me through my heart 

And I will hold my space

I'm lost without a trace...with

Nowhere left to run

Before you fade away

I just want to say

It's nothing, it's nothing we've done

And when the darkness comes too fast

Pull me in to fill your cup

I won't break you up

When at last you stand alone

Pull me in and fill my soul

I won't break you up

I won't break up

And when the devil comes too fast

Pull me in for one last kiss and then

I won't break you up

When the angels fall again

Pull me in and watch my breathe

I am broken

When the morning comes

The energy's undone

The rain starts falling down

I stand under my space

The light won't find my grace

I'm running out of ground

And I will hold this tear

There's nothing for me here now

Nowhere left to hide

Before you fade away

I just want to say

It's nothing, it's nothing, you tried

And when the darkness comes too fast

Pull me in to fill your cup

I won't break you up

When at last you stand alone

Pull me in and fill my soul

I won't break you up

I won't break up

And when the devil comes to fast

Pull me in for one last kiss and then

I won't break you.up

When the angels fall again

Pull me in and watch my breathe.

I am broken

Standing here

Shattered unwhole

Stand in fear

Shattered unknown

Walk away

Shattered unwhole

Walk in fear

Shattered.unknown

And when the darkness comes too fast

Pull me in to fill your cup

I won't break you up

When at last you stand alone

Pull me in and fill my soul

I won't break you up

I won't break up

And when the devil comes to fast

Pull me in for one last kiss and then

I won't break you up

When the angels fall again

Pull me in and watch my breathe

I am broken.

- Barbara Christensen 

BΛRBIΞXX 2025 (c) Broken // What If

Feeling it even more today than when I wrote it. Perhaps it is some past life karmic debt. Sometimes you have to hope the feelings you are flowing through have a greater cause.