The waves of grief are unexpected. The vortex of swirling emotions that sneak up on you when you least expect it. You think the current is coming from the East and then it hits you from the West. You think it's flowing through and then it whirls. Grief has hit me from so many angles; friendships, family, purpose, and sometimes it pulls me under. I'm trying to not drown, and learning how to swim in it. 

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” - Vicki Harrison

The work is hard, and I have surrendered to trust the Universe. Every day the Moon reminds that life flows through phases. The old is released and the new begins. The Sun reminds me every morning that the beginnings can be bright, and even when it's cloudy, that Sun is out there. It breaks through from time to time when we're in the winter season. 

We don't forget the days gone by, as my dear friends from the 90s taught me. Those that are no longer in our life, are not forgotten. Some we still cherish memories of, some we are grateful to be able to say are in our past, but a few we will never let go of.  Those we can't let go of are deeply embedded inside of our soul. Their waves that roll through are a reminder of love that washes over you. 

You can't unlove, nor should you. But those waves can knock you down when you least expect it. Love is like that. Waves of emotions that overtime carve out a new year. Allow that to happen.  Surrender. It is beautiful that when you love, you love hard, fast, and unconditionally. This is why you are you. When the swimming gets to be too much, become the starfish and float. 

In my book, 'Souls In The Light Field' I wrote,  

"I saw a starfish that appeared to be dying. Starfish are my symbol of our wishes. I can believe that we all have a dying wish or two within us right now. As I picked up the starfish I could feel its past trauma and the abuse it had suffered. Bullying was a big part of what I felt. I saw that it had been thrown far away from where it knew it belonged. I felt that sadness. 

I walked with the starfish in my hand into the ocean until it told me it was far enough out. I looked back to the beach and it was far far away by now. Instead of getting afraid, I turned onto my back and became a starfish, floating in this blissful energy of the ocean letting myself be in the flow state. 

As I was floating I fell asleep and Eagle picked me up and took me to the upper realm. Thomas Kinkade greeted me and we walked into the studio. At the edge of the clouds and the edge of the beach I could see the sun on the horizon. He said, "The difference between the Sunrise and the Sunset is just a little different shading of perspective. He taught me to paint the two and then we walked through the Upper Realm deep in conversation."

Your perspective will change over time. The day will come with your grief will not be so deep that you'll have to float to survive. Until then, let the Eagle carry you to where you need to be. 

I leave you with love. That's the only way I can leave.

Aho.