I embarked on a personal retreat, a forty-day digital detox, inspired by the same approach that launched my YouTube channel. Social media had become a distraction, and I yearned to reconnect with simpler pleasures and spiritual energy.

Simultaneously, I felt the need to distance myself from a complicated relationship. While there were moments of promise, the pattern of intermittent attention and emotional detachment was becoming increasingly painful. Despite his appeal, the lack of reciprocity was a constant reminder of what I yearned for: a genuine, loving connection.

During a particularly challenging week, as tears streamed down my face, I realized that I deeply needed to take this break to try to heal and find love. Taking forty days offered a unique opportunity for personal growth. I sought to break free from the cycle of unfulfilled longing and embrace a new chapter.

Then, a surprising encounter occurred. A connection formed online, marked by effortless conversation and shared dreams that had the energy frequency of my desires and yet was different enough to help me forget. It felt like a beacon of hope, a chance to move beyond the past. However, when we met in person, the energy shifted. The connection I had felt online seemed to dissipate.

Perhaps this was a cosmic test, a lesson in the impermanence of earthly desires. Or maybe it was a gentle nudge, guiding me towards a future filled with genuine love and understanding.

As I re-entered the online dating world, I realized that the typical 2024 man wasn’t quite my type. The rugged, bearded outdoorsman aesthetic, while appealing to many, wasn’t what I was looking for. It seemed I’d traded one form of distance—emotional—for another, physical, symbolized by a carefully curated beard.

Perhaps the universe, in its infinite wisdom, is simply preparing me for something greater. A love that transcends physical appearance and societal norms. A connection that is as deep as the ocean and as vast as the sky. One that chooses me as I chose them. 

Until then, I will continue to journey inward, seeking solace in solitude and strength in vulnerability. I will embrace the uncertainty, the pain, and the joy, for they are all part of the human experience. And I will hold onto hope, a flicker of light in the darkness, that one day, I will find the love I truly deserve, and let go of the love that lives only in my dreams.

"Den plats där våra kärlekshistorier korsas" (The place where our love stories intersect) by Barbara Christensen