Several weeks ago when I felt that push away, I found myself relistening to old patterns that created a loop of seeking validation of being enough. It's something that we all do from time to time when we feel our heart had been broken wide open again, and as the snake ate It's tail from the karmic space it found the thorn. Validation only comes from within, and I knew that what I was seeking would not be found on the path I was walking. 

Instead I found that I don't want to leave my heart behind, nor can we. My body and my soul do have some requirements, but I believe now that the body has a specific name for the frequency it desires, and the substance is equivocal to the individual and not the collective. Of course, you don't know the truth, until you are open to see it. 

What I did find is that I have the spark within myself, and I don't need anyone else to be the fire. I am enough, vibrant, beauty, goddess, the most magical desires are going to remain within me until divine timing brings me to the crossroads. I have healed. The way the past made me feel was always within me. I was trapped in the dark matter that reminded me of the past lives. I have cut the ties of the old patterns. The measurements of the dimensions is not in the physical embodiment, but in the energy field and within. Primal biology is a capacity of a drive, but without the express frequency of our hearts, what we will get is the way to wound. 

Wounding heals. If you've ever had a papercut it happens fast and it remains until healed. What wounds you have will heal. I was made for you and you for me in different ways. But I don't require anyone outside of my self for love and sensitive joy. I was ashamed for having a heart. I was ashamed for having my body abused. I was ashamed to have this body.  I have healed. I am loved and cherished, body is a temple of goddesses that is always the most beautiful shell. I didn't choose the abuse, but I can expand beyond it. I do not have to apologize for being unloved, because I love myself and unabashedly can love those that do not love me. 

Double Full Moons In Capricorn brings us little by little to the greatest release to live. Trust your emotions and trust that what is truly meant for you cannot pass you by. If it does it will continue to feel pulled backwards until it also heals the shame that has to be broken away to live without it.

Guilt I Did Something Bad

SHAME I Am Something Bad.

Kick shame in the balls. 

Am I guilty for my actions. Yes. I have been processing my life and I am doing the work to heal and amend.

Should I be ashamed for having the courage to feel? No, nor will I. I trust it served the healing process as you are aware of it.