I had determined recently that I was going to move ahead with my life because what I was waiting on was never going to show up for me. As I moved ahead what laid within me was still the thoughts and beliefs and even correlating behaviors of manifesting this appearance.  Then a friend pointed out to me today that I hate moving, and everytime we're almost to the end of this divorce process there is something that happens that causes the process to stop moving. 

I heard a therapist term this as the Is-Not-Is Paradigm.  This idea that when we manifest that the universe first gives us the polar opposite to create a void for the thing we called in because the universe likes to fill voids. 

When you're pulling in this new thing the opposite happens to show you that what you called in is one its way. So first what shows up is the Is Not. Her example was you want the security, stability, reciprocity, emotional fulfillment what's going to show up is the antithesis of that. So everything you want on the outside, but devoid of emotion as the mirror reflection of what you're showing up as in our own inner feelings of emotional aspects. So outwardly I feel that I am moving forward and everyone around me is moving pretty quickly, but internally I am resistant to the idea of moving so the universe has to mirror that to me. It is the manifestation of the fractured self.

This is absolutely how my movement forward showed up in terms of love. Internally I am far from ready to move on from the love (lover) that I want but I am calling in the 10 Of Cups anyway. What had to first show up was the Avoidant, who personified the pursuit I want, showed me that age is just a number, made me feel secure in my body, but was still avoidant emotionally to mirror that I still felt fractured Internally in the emotionally receiving of the love I desired was my actually pushing away not only what I felt but what I desired. 

In the end what I needed to do was change my polarity to match what I am giving and receiving. 

Last night in my support group I was listening to everyone speak about their gratitude and parents or parenting experiences and I shared at the end how when I went to pick up my daughter that my mother refused to come see me. Yet when I arrived my daughter feel completely loved and cared for. I let go of the fact that I needed my mom to feel that mothering  essence. 

Let go of the internal fear that what you are attracting can't be by being exactly that. 

After the meeting a lot of members came over to share how much my story about being present for my daughter meant to them, and in fact one had lost his daughter to suicide because she was resistant to accenting her own mental health issues and couldn't ask for help. So he loved that I created a space for my daughter to ask and receive. 

You've been creating a space to receive what you desire. Let the fractured space show you that it's ready. We can see this as the movement from the two extremes. An example is I have so much love to give but no one to love and attracts I have such a need for someone to love me but no one does. At the center is the same love. When you stop seeking the substitute for the love and turn the love to yourself, even through standing in your power to not accept the avoidant love structure, you're loving yourself more fully.

Where can you engage in patterns today within your cosmos of what is being reflected as fractured today? 

My current is the resistance or avoidance to truly moving. Today I will keep clearing that to create a void for movement to show up.  (And yes I get the comedy of writing this in bed 30 minutes after my alarm rang to get up. )