Moving into this new space of energy has been a complexity, and one that called me into working with my shamanic teachers. I worked so deeply for two days, and then day three it was as if I walked into a mist, and the portal entrance was gone. With it, deep emotions arose, and I felt the sobbing in my heart as this was meant to be the start of imagining the life I want to co-create with the help of the universe, and maybe I am not able to be there yet because so much of myself is still working through the death.
Death is a commonality of what we are practicing. Recently I have also been studying Lurianic Kabbalah. In Sleep, Death and Rebirth, by Zvi Ish-Shalom, from the start I was drawn in with the Lurianic three main events in cosmic prehistory that account for our current state of the universe and our role within it. “He calls these events tzimtzum (contraction or withdrawal), shevirat ha-kelim (breaking of the vessels), and tiqun (restoration). Tzimtzum is the process by which ein sof (the infinite mystery/source; lit. “no end”) manifests a vacuous, “empty” space within which the finite universe is formed”. Shamanic teachings that I have gone through speak highly of the luminous body of light that surrounds us which holds the blueprint of the human physical body, which is so similar to that infinite light that the doctrine of tzimtzum speaks of. Considering where ein sof withdraws itself back into itself, vacating a tiny point within its own vastness that is devoid of the quality of infinity, as this is the light of ein sof reentering this vacuum “and the sefirot (s. sefirah, divine potencies), which exist only in potential in the infinite vastness, manifest and self-organize into a form known as adam qadmon (“primordial human”)” to the shamanic work. The shaman enters that tiny point that connects us to the quality of infinite (no time) in soul retrieval as the perfect part of the self leaves the physical body, and the part that remains (which shamans say is the cause of dis-ease) is the broken part of the vessel. The work of soul retrieval is the restoration of the soul.
During a training session I found myself connected to this idea of when Adam and Eve’s first thoughts of being was not to their surroundings, but to their personal differences. They had left behind that part of themselves that would let them see that perfection of light, and forgotten the bliss of union. Rather they immediately go into this shock of differences, and try to cover themselves to become the same. And yes, I did make a joke in the beginning of the session that finally the blame was being put on Adam. I want to clarify that I don’t mean “men=bad=shame”, which unfortunately how the aspects of Eve are often classified. However, if we think of the masculine energy as thinking energy, then it is those thoughts that are the cause of our own pain and separation from our true light. Lawrence Fine describes this process of bringing that part back into union with the feminine waters (which I have always felt of as those waters of birth and cleansing in the shamanic practice)
“Every action done in the world below—the material world—accompanied by concentration on the dynamics being initiated through such action, causes the “female waters” within Nukva de-Zeir to become aroused and ascend with the 288 sparks that were believed to be attached to the broken vessels. It is an important part of the training that I connected to as three is a numerological aspect in the mystical work that I do with tarot, but also in what I channel, and is so much a part of the mystical Kabbalistic practices. It is stated that we come with 613 sacred soul sparks. Numerology, 6 + 1 + 3 = 10 and 1 + 0 = 1. So in the idea that when we reach ten , we begin again, there is both the idealism of the wheel turning in tarot as reincarnation, but also that as souls we have always been meant for that which is being the finite life we are working through.
The teachings also share that of these sparks, 248 are positive commandments that come with the feminine waters. 365 of these are negative commandments. Both 248 and 365 are the numerology 14, which is temperance or balance in the tarot, and even deeper become a 5. You need both, in union, to become complete, and that was always the purpose of the two, both thought in the finite and the waters of the light of ein sof. She who has birthed and she who seeks to be complete by knowing death.
The emission of fluid during orgasm in women was described for the first time to the best of our knowledge in the fourth century, and is made up of primarily water and a small amount of organic solutes. It is a wave of release of the physical body and the hormones, and as we call it "little death", orgasm is also a brief loss or weakening of consciousness. Unlike the male secretion of orgasm, which is also mostly water, but contain mucus and nutrients to allow the sperm that join with the semen to become something called life. The nutrients are not to feed the egg they are seeking, but to feed the sperm to reach their destination.
Lurianic Kabbalah suggests that the “female waters” act as spiritual “chemicals” which bring about—even if only temporarily—harmony between male and female within the Godhead.” So for a moment, the thinking of being different, being out of sync with our infinite vastness, becomes one. Louis Jacobs has said, "Of God as He is in Himself—Ein Sof—nothing can be said at all, and no thought can reach there." (Jacobs, 1973. A Jewish Theology. West Orange, NJ: Behrman House). Union in such, then, for me is that cleansing of the finite thoughts and the knowing of the infinite vastness of the light of ein sof.
In my sacred training this week I started by going into the sefirot, the energy lines of the Tree of Life which are described as channels of divine creative life force or consciousness, and into the lower world to work through the waters to find a sacred guide. It is through these cannels that we can connect with the unknowable divine essence, and the secrets of the luminous body can be revealed to mankind. In the first journey I came to Mother Spider, and she was merged with the Fox. Cunning, and curious, she sat smiling at me as if to ask if I was truly ready for this next part of the journey. The Fox Spider (a type of Wolf Spider) was thought extinct having not been since since late 1990, until recently, which aligns with when I went through my journey to death. Alopecosa fabrilis, is who I saw Mother Spider as.
She brought me to my teachers, the Blackbird (who had been coming to me for a few days) and merged Blackbird with the Jaguar. They became one before integrating into my heart. These two are strong guides, who will continue to walk with me through this darkness, and will also have my back. I have nothing to fear on this path. I don't think I would have ever connected these two together, however their frequencies are very aligned.
I leave this thought: 613 soul sparks, 248 positive and 365 negative commandments. 613 = 10 = 1. 248 = 5, 365 = 5, 5 + 5 = 10 = 1. There is no ending, as the end becomes the beginning, and there is purpose in all things, positive and negative, birth and death, and this finite and infinite require each other to be.
0 comments