Healers are like a moth to the flame when it comes to those that are broken, toxic, or just unable to be in the relationship in a healthy manner. In part this can be because most healers are borderline empaths. A borderline empath is someone that has been through their own trauma, but it was meant to help you become the healer that you are. It is very similar to the idea of marshmallows over the firepit. When you are cooking a marshmallow there is a point where it is perfect, and then very quickly it can be completely burned or worse yet melt off the stick and into the flame. A healer when in their power, will pull themselves back when they reach that point and the result is a source of joy because you have seen into the mirror, and now can heal your internal trauma - as well as recognize the trauma of those you are working with to hold space for them in the aligned spiritual / energetic energy. If you are not to the point of being able to recognize and work on yourself, you will get burned, or worse yet fall into the fire. 

It is important to talk about this because anyone working with a Divine Partnership on any level is working on healing parts of yourself from this life, childhood, womb wounds, even past lives and ancestral wounds if you believe in that. You attract what you need. Rumi said it best, "What you seek is seeking you." We often take this in conversations of love, as being something warm and mushy. My other half is seeking me! However, the other half seeking you is generally the divine partners within. What you seek (the trauma mirror) is seeking you (the healing desire). 

Shamanism does not believe in mental health or neurological disorders - but rather being out of balance. In the mind of a shaman, there is no normal as we each our creating our own reality to learn and balance out our energetic being. Healers, Shamans, Lightworkers - all will go through trauma in this life to be more aligned to their soul purpose. What we don't recognize is that we will seek out similarly traumatized energy to help us heal. So back to the moth to the flame, there are those out of balance that you will bring into your life. Some of them have been labeled with different disorders.

These disorders do have defined behaviors that are something real and true. Someone with narcissistic tendencies and imbalanced can have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep inner need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. This can get mixed into so many other imbalanced energies - and this is where I may get the hate mail. Someone who is on the spectrum, has ADHD, been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, all of these can have episodes where they feel like the King of Pentacles - on top of the world where nothing can stop me. Then fall into Knight of Swords with a massive need for you to be their person that soothes them, giving them attention, and admiration that they crave in the moment. They can have troubled relationships because these imbalances can be overwhelming emotionally, they tend to ghost like the Knight of Pentacles, or be relentless in pursuing, like the Knight of Wands; and this can lead to impulsive behaviors that lead them into shame, guilt and regret. They can also react with depression to those perceived slights and injuries when you look into the mirror, heal your energetic wound, and put up those healthy boundaries that they - in the moment - are unable to do. The King of Cups feels all of these emotions, but tries to balance them out. They will seek out the affirming emotions from their favorite person(s) while being cold to others. It isn't because they are intentionally cold, but they are internally emotionally driven. They can easily swing into the Knight of Wands or the Knight of Swords energy, move away in the Knight of Pentacles energy to try to manage how they feel. To the person on the other side of all of this it can be maddening, and it can feel like you are in the middle of the Twin Flame journey. It is important to understand that while for some of you reading this, you are in that journey. For others of you, this is just a healing cycle and you are in a karmic situation where if you do not address what is being mirrored to you, the fire will consume you.

We all have an inner Emperor that is seeking to find it's way into being. The true Emperor puts the kingdom before the ego. Our inner masculine, is the empath that when out of balance is always going to seek a cycle of mirroring or the fire to burn it away. Our inner feminine, is the part that wants the masculine to work through this, so that unity, fertility, sensual grounded and emotional empowerment can be created. The Empress is seeking energetic growth on the highest level. The Empress does not seek to heal anyone else, but will care and nuture others as the Queen Mother.

This message is for everyone, both male and female. The Empress is strong enough to do it all, but also fierce enough to enjoy a mate that will make it that much more pleasurable. As the Divine Femimine energy is rising in this current state of reality, male and female, we are all going through these cycles like the world has never seen before. 

So let's talk about the Dark Night Of The Soul within all of this healing. We think that there is only one dark night, and that it only comes in with a great awakening, especially in tune with our twin lover. But with all mirroring souls, there is a transitional phase that you will go through. Each time we, as healers, find that mirroring soul to heal a part of ourselves, if we don't pull back in time we can be pulled into the dark pits of energy that is part yours and part theirs. This is where you cross the border of the empath holding cell. This is your Divine Masculine energy, which is often misunderstood. You may obsessively be drawn to healing the other person. That could be a desire not to work on the deep soul loss/soul retreival that you are working through, or it could be that you are getting a fix to your own internal imbalance.

What is your healing need? Do you struggle with mothering others because you were not mothered, or forced to self parent yourself, siblings, friends? Do you want to see someone else succeed where you did not? Do you want to relive the glory of being in a space where you could do no wrong and were the "golden child"? You may seek that person that is in a deep inflated state of energy because in that moment they shine like a star, only to have them turn around and deflate your heart. When you cannot attain what you are seeking in them, you fall into the darkness, futher and further. The universe will not stop a healing cycle. If you are in a cycle of healing, or what shamans call soul retrieval, your only option is to heal if you wish to find your way back into the light. 

With Saturn square Uranus in and out of the last several years, many have gone up to that dark wall, and then lost hope. You fall into the fire, and that is when the real, hard work has to happen. Will you find the light of the fire in the darkness, find your grounding, find your wound and the lost pieces of yourself to bring back together? The wound is always created by ego. Ego is the primal lizard brain that is meant to help you survive. When ego sees something that it cannot overcome, it sends that soul loss off to somewhere else. There is a part of the ego death that must happen, not allowing that lizard brain to keep your soul splintered. In that moment you will be able to find that part of your soul and bring it back. Bringing back a part of yourself that can be mended, and as such you will no longer seek out, what you once did. The last square is December 24th, 2021, and this is the chance you still have to break through the wall with the energy of Uranus. 

Your soul is always seeking a way for you to live in truth. What you seek is seeking you. Your soul is not just the part you think of as being contained in this vessel of a human body. If you close your eyes and seek to find the edges of your soul, you never will. The soul is immense, and infinite. So the soul is always seeking far beyond the little bubble of reality that you have created, bringing you towards that which will bring you back into truth. You will have those times when you pull the marshmallow back and it is a blissful moment of joy. Othertimes you will get burned, or worse yet have to fall into the fire to find the light that will align you to the truth.

I started seeing this energy as "splinters" - which is just soul loss - and in this healers, you have to stop doubting yourself. At 15:33 [the Devil's/Shadow's Path] in this video that I did in December of 2019 on my old Bija Coaching YouTube channel (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVgmyM3_3Sg&t=933s) I start talking about the fact that these opportunities (to heal... to mirror that which you seek) do not come very often into our field of awareness. It is important that you step out of the labeling of the relationship, and instead work into what the universal soul energy is asking you to finally retrieve. Come into that space of you, quite hiding, let it remove the relationships that are no longer aligned, let go of everything that doesn't matter... and I am sorry but the minimalist life is a sacred space. You may not know how to be in that energy of recieving, without hoarding energy. That is the borderline empath - hoarding. Hoarding memories, relationships, wounds, cellular toxicity... it is a call to let that go. 

Will you find the tiny house, tiny reality bubble that you live in, and start filling it with the light that you are rather than the darkness that you can get lost it? That is up to you.

Light and love, 
Barbara xx

Y'all are feeling so splintered today as you are coming out of the energy leading up to 12/12. So many are so tired of all of the work they've done that they are about to make huge mistakes and leave the other half ... energetic or soul connection ... out of FEAR rather than tuning into loving every bit of you. The light, the dark, the happy, the sad, the molecular, the soul desires... Find the LOVE and wipe out the fear.