Today I relived the pain of losing my father who was a man that I barely knew. I surrendered to the emotions and spent much of the day in my sadness, and what I found was that when we surrender it is as uncomfortable for those around us as it is for us. Following the flow of energy makes us move at a different frequency and people will pull away to keep from aligning. We resist. It is very important to understand it isn't about you, but it is their triggers of resisting alignment. Your flow is a mirror and the result can be harsh. Sometimes we stiffen up and fall out of surrender due to their pull away.

This push-pull is intensified with the divine partnership / twin flame relationship because you were drawn together like magnets to learn your lessons. You trigger and if you resist you will stay in a continual separation. Sometimes it is just an emotional separation and not physical. The secret of union is just the one word - surrender. .

This is the word that we strive for, and yet is the hardest to get aligned to. The dictionary says that it is accepting defeat. I believe it is accepting the flow of energy rather than stubbornly refuse to allow the movement forward. When you feel like you are moving forward alone, it can be the catalyst to digging in your heels. We try to control, we attempt to resist the path forward. 

As an example when I was a little girl I lost myself in the dreams of the independent woman because she was invincible, safe and in control. It was never her dream of being in love, getting married, or having children. Of course I am the most likely person to fall in love with every friend, every dream, every romantic comedy. I crave love. As Meredith Grey said, "Choose me, love me, pick me." Add in babies and I am sold because motherhood is my favorite thing to do and be. This "independent woman" created the story of independence out of trauma bonds when what my soul desired was close and intimate love.

I have been married for 30 years this fall, and it was destined. I knew on the second date I was going to marry this man. I spent the next seven months back and forth about the idea, and the Universe even attempted several lessons along the way - including giving me the flu the day before the wedding. However, I'm no quitter. I will always do what needs to be done, regardless of the consequences to myself. Does that sound like the recipe your relationship followed?

Marriage is never easy they say. I think for souls looking for their purpose it can be even harder. Being a child that self-parented, was abused or neglected, and an intuitive empath to boot... and marriage can be the ultimate test of sanity.

You can probably guess that I was not an easy young wife - which is what is written in the "Lessons For Soulmates Manual". There must always be one. I was that wild one, like a runaway horse. I think that my unbridled nature was probably a turn on in the beginning, which probably wore off quickly. By the time we were a few years in we were raising my niece and nephews - or at least I was. It was my whole heart as I always wanted to give what I had never received. 

Soulmates are here to trigger growth. I put an only child, man child into a house full of babies. Trigger. I married that man, who struggles to emotionally connect when my ultimate goal is to be loved. Trigger. When you start teaching each other, it is not an easy path. We have yelled and screamed and torn each others hearts apart so many times. I can say however that this pandemic has been the greatest struggle of all. So when I say in readings that I understand those triggers, or give advice - it generally comes from decades on the battlefield of love.

So after my own dark night, and a year in quarantine; I strive for surrender. I surrender every day. For thirty years of marriage I refused to give up that control. I resisted the flow. Now in the most resisted energy of.all I finally get it. I am not in control. You cannot force anyone in love. Not your parents, not your siblings, not your spouse.or your children. You can't force friends or co-workers to love you. You can't force soulmates, divine partners, karmic lovers or twin flames to love you. The only love we truly have control of is the love that comes from within. 

None of us know on any given day if we will make that one year anniversary or that thirty-first one. You never know when soul contracts or soul journeys expire. That is a lesson the last year has taught us. What you can do, however, is surrender. Let energy guide you rather than old stories. Flow alone and be the magnetic force of nature. In this energy whatever is meant for you will align to you in that quantum field, and push away what is not meant or not aligned.