"Gift giving" is one of my most obvious love languages.  I feel most loved when I receive thoughtful gifts, and so I often express my love by giving presents to others, where the focus is on the gesture of giving something that shows they were thinking of them, rather than the price of the gift itself. This has always been a tangible way to demonstrate affection and connection for me because growing up one of the ways that I was neglected was in the way that my mother would go out of her way to buy and give the most thoughtful gifts to everyone, except for me. Even when I had a partner she would buy exactly what they may like and ignore my needs. 

I always have gone out of my way to give those closest to me gifts of Love. I struggled with distance gift giving after moving to Seattle and being harshly criticized for spending and mailing gifts to family back home, so it became a struggle to mail gifts as an inner obstacle now sustained by my inner critic. I am still working through those old blockages. 

I remember getting a wrapped can of corn (which I am allergic to) from my partner's mother the first year we were together. It was also one of only years that I recieved a gift from my partner. Over all of our time together I recieved three gifts from them. My other two serious relationships I was given a necklace our one Christmas together, and the other would always buy me journals because I loved to write. So there was a time when I was trying to attract that reciprocity. But that has been it. I have rarely recieved gifts during my life, and I think it makes me feel unloved. 

I somehow believe that if someone hasn't  paid close attention to small details to remember me, they won't give me a gift, and maybe that makes me try harder. I recognize that going into 2025 I don't want to keep repeating that pattern.  

When I think about their favorite treat or hobby, or what they're doing day to day, to give a symbolic meaning to the gift as a representation of the love and care that I feel for them, it should be a reciprocal relationship. I love to plan a meal, a special outing or experience for someone visiting to show this love language, and I love to remember important dates and interests that they've shown mean a lot to others. I don't want to lose this, but I realize that I need to withdraw to make healthy boundaries as love is special. 

For someone that showcases love this way, it has been interesting that I have been mostly surrounded by people that haven't been able to return that. I do cherish several gifts I received over the last several years that were very special ... a crystal angel, a pewter owl, a birthday card, a message about a book I might enjoy, a constellation cup, fuzzy socks, Christmas earrings, a mushroom ornament, an early morning Merry Christmas message. It's a language of authenticity and appreciation, and not about the money, it's about the effort. 

As I think about the love languages, I can see how I always try to hit them all.... the five love languages: physical touch (placing a hand on someone's arm), words of affirmation (speaking to my gratitude and love for others), acts of service (making meals, cleaning up for others), receiving gifts (as spoken about here), and quality time (taking a walk or a drive with others). Then why is it so hard to recieve these - and am I teaching others by bringing in so much, that I am not in need of giving to? They say a person who experienced childhood trauma may often be attracted to partners who lack the very love language they didn't receive as a child, and I didn't recieve any of the love languages as a child. That makes sense as to the challenge that I am still working to overcome in opening to a partner in the future. 

If your partner expresses this love language, I hope that through this share you are better able to understand why this means so much to them.